Alerts TO THREATS IN EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE. BRITISH WRITER, ACTOR AND
TALL PERSON John Cleese


The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria

and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved" .

Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated"

or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross"

since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance."

The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in
1588,

when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the
Bastards."

They don't have any other levels.

This is the reason they have been used on the front line

of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday

that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide."

The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender."

The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white
flag factory,

effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"

to "Elaborate Military Posturing."

Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance"

to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs."

They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual;

the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.

These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms

so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy

Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to
"She'll be right."

Two more escalation levels remain:

"Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!"

and "The barbie is cancelled."

So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation
level.



A final thought -

" Greece is collapsing,

the Iranians are getting aggressive,

and Rome is in disarray.

Welcome back to 430 BC".

_________________
Its not always the biggest and the bestest, its them that make the least mistakes.

Our status is now, "No probs"

_________________
When a crash seems inevitable, try to hit the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and gently as possible.

Good on ya blue, over here no probs means deep poo, if its a politico saying it.

_________________
Its not always the biggest and the bestest, its them that make the least mistakes.