ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-----The RAF--------where balls count !!


Conversation overheard on the VHF Guard (emergency) frequency 121.5 MHz while flying from Europe to Dubai ...

Iranian Air Defence Site:
'Unknown aircraft you are in Iranian airspace. Identify yourself.'

Aircraft:
'This is a British aircraft. I am in Iraqi airspace.'

Air Defence Site:
'You are in Iranian airspace. If you do not depart our airspace we will launch interceptor aircraft!'

Aircraft:
'This is a Royal Air Force GR4 Tornado fighter. Send 'em up, I'll wait!'

Air Defence Site: ( ..... total silence)

I love the RAF

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Its not always the biggest and the bestest, its them that make the least mistakes.

Along the lines of that lighthouse spoof of a few years ago

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Lets be careful out there !

What was that? oh hang on...I think I remember, something to do with a ship demanding another ship alter course or something??

the other ship was a light house !!

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Its not always the biggest and the bestest, its them that make the least mistakes.

Indeed. Drat, didn't know it was a spoof.

Preferred the one a few years back when Libya sent up interceptors against the U S Navy fliers in the Med.

It wasn't a spoof and the Libyan pilots did not fly home !

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates.

Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.
It doesn't take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell. He soon begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan and says with a sneer: So, how are things in Hell?
Satan replies: Hey, things are going great. We've got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators; and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.
what! God exclaims: You've got an engineer? That's a mistake, he should never have been sent to Hell. Send him to me.
Not a chance, Satan replies: I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him!
God insists: Send him back or I'll sue!
Satan laughs uproariously and answers: Yeah, right. And where are you going to get a lawyer?

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Its not always the biggest and the bestest, its them that make the least mistakes.

Dear Mum,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and got worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue Jeeps. It was great. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Ted got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?

The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.


We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Ted gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the crash. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Ted said that with a bus that old, you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.

We think it's a super bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the policeman stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Ted is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Horace how to drive on the mountain roads where there aren't any cops. All we ever see up there are huge logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Ted wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast (it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster), so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Ted isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we all got to see how a tourniquet works.

Steve and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Ted said it was probably just food poisoning from the left-over chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to post our letters andbuy some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.

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Its not always the biggest and the bestest, its them that make the least mistakes.